Chapter Twenty

"We break we fall, in all we are we."

Chapter twenty

The group of two humans and elvhens made it to the boat okay with only a little bit of one sided hatred and tension. It was the second week of the voyage that things went downhill fast.

Wynne the shemlen healer got sick, for hours and hours she would be in the bed sweating and giving Leliana, Zevran and me these kinds, comforting smiles and saying that she was alright. The next day she passed on into the Beyond just two days before we were designated to port.

The next day I snapped as Zevran whistled and joked around, white hot rage filled my being and there I was hitting him over and over. Hitting him for everything he did wrong, for leaving all that was important, for being arse. Many had to pull me off him laughing with their ale smelling breathes. These shemlen make me sick.

"Suiadan calm down!" the red head said covering Zevran with her body. The rage wouldn't let me go and only picked up as I met his hazel eyes.

"You have a real bad thing for redheads don't you." I sneered as his hazel eyes hardened with anger and repressed pain.

"Stop!" Leliana snapped before Zevran could say anything and looked at me with tears in her shemlen eyes. I just turned on my heel and set off to the front of the boat looking at the approaching land, we would have to track down the mage and find this Morrigan.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

I have been avoiding her, the best I could when you share a room, and it was scary how well it worked. Dred filled my stomach ever since that night that we talked and I asked her that question. She was giving up . . . and I had no idea how to help her.

I shook my head roughly and concentrated on the fire ball I was throwing at Siallin. My robe which was folded down to allow my chest some air was filled with sweat as I jabbed my staff out in the motion to stab something and fire flew out of the air and towards her.

Two weeks ago, the night after I talked with her I started making the plan to escape. After lots of prodding I found that mutiny was in the air and that's why there was new staff people and guards. Siallin has been giving me hints, tonight there is some sort of meeting and I'm planning on going. I already have a lie baked up if something goes wrong. I hope to the Maker that nothing goes wrong.

Siallin made the motion for me to go again, I was to try to break her elemental shield which was proving harder then thought. I held lightly to the staff in my hands and concentrated on pulling the connection to the fade and watched with glee as the fireball grew and spun in an arc and made cracks in the shield.

"Again!" she called and I sighed and wiped the sweat from my brow. Again and again I pulled the fireball into life. My heart was a steady pound against my chest and my breath was slow and steady. I knew what I was doing; I was made for this—to wield magic to my bidding.

"Are you okay?" Naska's voice carried over the distance to where I and Siallin were working. I glanced over to the small commotion and felt my stomach drop.

~O ~O~ ~O~

I gasped holding my stomach and this loud ringing in my ears deafened me. Pain was everywhere; it felt as if someone had set me on fire and then threw lightening on me. I pressed my face into the sand holding tightly to the wound.

My heart was beating faster than it ever was and I felt my warm blood seep over my fingers. I bit my lip to hold in my cry of pain when someone pushed me back into an upright sitting motion.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," I gasped out without looking at them "I just didn't dodge fast enough. No harm done." I said as I watched Ziy'ha smirk at my statement.

"You know the rules, no harming them." Huren said to Ziy'ha.

"You heard what she said, she's too slow." She gloated. Siallin shook her head and gave me a stern look while healing the wound.

"See all's well." I said glancing at Conner and looked away. It seemed that he finally found out how bad of a person I was, oh well I didn't need him I can make my own way without people. I got up and picked up my fallen swords.

"Trainings over anyway, let's go eat." Ziy'ha said turning away. I kept my back to them so I didn't have to watch them leave and looked to the sky. I waited until they were gone before I started for the small clearing.

I limped to the clearing quickly and sat down gently and placed my feet in the stream. Over the past two weeks I have been running to here to clear my head, to stay away from Conner. I started cleaning my swords with care and smiled as the rain started to fall down, it didn't matter to me that it was winter and I was freezing cold or that the rain was just as cold.

I placed the swords down and stripped my clothes off and went to the deepest part of the stream which came to a good level. I placed my hand over my head and tipped my head back and sighed softly.

"You'll be gone soon, and I will gladly take your place." Her words rang in my ears and it once again brought confusion to me, also to why she would put poison on her sword. I could feel it moving through my blood and was almost glad for it.

I hummed softly and started dancing in the water and pictured that this was the fire pit and one of the hahren were playing the flute or something. I was too caught up with what I was doing that I didn't hear the footsteps and only knew someone was there when they touched my bare shoulder.

I turned and gasped as I took in the form of Malachi. The water was running down his hair making it stick to his head and his eyes pierced me. The rain glided off his bare chest and into his breeches. I felt a blush burn me and stepped back.

"It's okay. I'm not a monster." He said soberly and I shook my head.

"Yes you are you're a demon and your evil." I snapped back and stepped away from his touch.

He scowled and I felt fear claw at me "I haven't chosen to be a demon. Do you think I want to be one? Do you think I like this? I have told you a lot of things about me before I even showed you my face. Now that you do your afraid, I am the same person that visited you, that gave you food when all they gave you was fucking bread."

I sighed and looked away; I looked to the water engulfing my hips, and how it parted around my body and slowly looked up to his face. He had a hurt look on his face that made me catch my breath.

"I'm afraid." I said softly looking away again.

"You don't have to, I am here for you. I am the only one who is ever going to be here for you." He said and reached out to me and I let him. I didn't fight him as his arms wrapped around me and his body pressed into my own. I gladly felt his warmth and held him as the rain fell down upon us.

"Don't ever be afraid of me." He said combing his fingers through my hair. I nodded and pressed my face closer to his body. We stayed like that for a while and it was really comfortable, I could have stood there for years if I could have. He stepped back and I looked up to him with confusion plain on my face.

"I have to go, I will meet you here morrow after training." He said as he leaned down and stole a kiss from my lips. I missed his butterfly touch and my breath caught as I was engulfed by is warmth and then he was gone and I was left alone in the water.